Wednesday, October 27, 2010

30 minutes

Sorry it has been so long since I last posted. Sally and I have been running around a lot. Trying to get things ready for our move this weekend and getting used to being retired. I am officially out of the military now. September 28 was my last day. Other things that we have been doing includes texting with my daughters. After our one meeting we have been texting at least 2-3 times per week. It is a small step but a step non the less. The house has now been moved out to the property in Burgaw and we have been running around trying to get a lot of things done for it. Sally absolutely loves going out there and spend at least 30 minutes just rolling around in the hay field. Then goes on a sprint spree for another 10-15 minutes. I think her and I are both getting anxious to get the move done and over with and start enjoying the quiet, and peace that the area will offer along with the openness that comes with 44 acres of hay field. Will post more after the move and include pics.
2 nights ago we pushed the envelope and I ended up paying the price for it. I have recovered some but still have some of the side effects still, still have some of the headache and still a little nausea. My oldest daughter had a chorus concert on Monday night. Sally and I went. We only stayed there for 30 minutes before my anxiety got way too high and we had to leave. It has been a while since I pushed myself to the point of becoming ill, but this was that night. We stood outside for around 5 minutes trying to get my mind into the right set to be able to go in. I could feel the anxiety increasing even before we left the house. Having a fear of kids and women added a lot to the anxiety as I knew we were going to a middle school and there were bound to be a number of each there. Once inside we were offered a chair next to the back doors of the auditorium and sat there trying to watch the kids sing. Sooo many people there and although they were watching the concert I still felt real on edge. Sally wouldn't leave my side and constantly was making me pet her to try and help me calm down. It worked for a little while but eventually the anxiety was too overwhelming. I started to shake and feel lightheaded. Nausea was setting in and eventually we had to leave. On my way out to the truck I had to stop a couple times to get sick. Not a pleasent time. Though there were a lot of bad things that happened I still made it 30 minutes. I still feel bad that I didn't get to hear my daughter sing, especially since she was to have a solo that night. But I hope that she understands that I tried and couldn't handle the stress. Just a reminder to me that even though I have come a long way with Sally's help there are still a lot of things I need to work on. Going to get going for now as we need to go and get some more things done for the move. Will post more later.