1 year

I have been trying all day to keep myself busy. A year ago today I woke up in this lifemare. I have cleaned the house 3 times, finished all of my laundry, packed and repacked for this week 3 times. Tried my hand at some videogames, still don't understand the x-box. Watched a couple of movies. All things to keep my mind busy. Still the thoughts crept into my mind. The comments that have driven me up a wall over the last year. The questions that I can't answer. I look at the wall with photos on it and still get frustrated that I can't figure out the meaning behind the smiles, nor can I remember the names of most of those that are in the pics. I wish I could remember my children and my ex, and why they are smiling in these pics. Some have me in them and I don't know why I was smiling either. I can only guess. Just a simple connection to a single smile. "How can you handle what you are going through?" "How can you seem so normal, but be so screwed up?" I get asked these questions and have yet figured out an answer. I just keep fighting to move forward. Looking forward to getting up to WV to see Sally and spend some time with her. On my first trip there I say hope for a future as I watched her and the skills that her trainers have been working on with her. A simple future. Maybe going grocery shopping. Maybe trying to find a stuffed animal for my kids. I don't even know if they are into them but I figured it might be something. Should be up ther in less than 24 hours. Need to recharge.